Crushing Clay

When I was in 100 level, i started talking to girls. Weird isn’t it? Because throughout my secondary school, girls were icky and disgusting to me; and when they finally began to make my head turn (and my heart beat faster) I was stuck in a timid web. So university was a refreshing experience- a respite, a recovery, a rebirth, and a renaissance.

And in the University of Abuja, some people were pure eye candy. There was Ronke of the flashing eyes, there was Kaycee of the titillating smile, Ruka of the glowing skin there was kunmi of the rumbling laughter. And there was glory Oriakhi of the everything. Yes- flashing Chinese eyes, cute teeth, bright smile and glowing skin. If you must know she had a uniquely proportioned anterior elevation, and I was into those back then. So if you wonder why I hardly ever hugged her…you know now.

And the girl could sing!!!!!! As in ehn! One day she sang “Eyin Sa, L’Awimayehun” during Nifes Worship Experience and the whole place turned upside down. Or the time she led a praise and worship session at the Abuja PFN/Deeper Life Crusade. And the other day she and Ken stood at SUG singing some very Igbotic Tenor (Songs like “ocean divider” and “akanchawa”). Sometimes when I watched them do it, I thought- this may be comedy to us in Abuja, but it’d be ministry! People like Chioma Jesus and Agatha Moses would have to tighten their singing belts!

In 2010 I came in contact with the side of Glory that was a writer. She has this amazing ability to create dialogue (something I find hard when I’m writing fiction). I remember her Facebook notes like “To my future husband” and “The Handy-people Series” (which she curiously never finished writing). Through the conversations of her characters like the Mai-Ruwa (Hausa for water-seller) she paints pictures that last in the imagination. Even my friend Jerry Chiemeke confesses he finds it hard to create dialogue and maintain it.

And then I remember once when I was in Port Harcourt (2009), in the library researching for the Tort term paper. At about 11:15am, Glory popped online, and me as trigger-happy as I was back then, I started messaging. Then she pulled the shocker: “ do you have a crush on me, Peter?” of all the questions in the world! Of course you know I denied that spurious allegation. As I do to this day. (I always accused her of hopelessly pining after my awesome self, hence the glory “crushing” clay appellation.

Glory had this inner strength that you just had to admire. There was this time someone was killed in front of her Dad’s Church and the allegations were rife, and that time when she had to undergo a surgery. To this day I have no idea what the surgery was about (when I asked her she just winked). If you didn’t get close to her you’d never know that behind the veneer of gruff laughter lay a gentle person.

I remember one foolish incident when we went to get a drink at the canteen/shop/whatever at Law block. We’d both ordered snacks and fanta (on me of course) and when it was time to pay I realised my pockets had just got picked in the melee! Glory paid out of her wallet and that was the last I heard about that incident. There was this time I walked her to her house one night (we returned from the 2010 law dinner at 1am). And there was this time I lost my Sonyericsson Cybershot phone (I think a K530i). that day I’d gone over for the first (and sadly the last) time- and we gisted, I got to meet her roommate, and I’d say I got to understand her person a lot more. That girl’s one brave, brave girl! And there was the time she gave away her blackberry as a seed (mehn I respected THAT); it was then I knew she’d had a job since we were in the university.

I remember one time when we went for the National Youth Summit at the Eagle Square. She performed a duet with Blessing Kelvin Nduka (Donnie McClurkin’s “The Prayer). It was so annoying because the organisers of the programme made us all wait till about 3am (when the crowds were already leaving) before they called them up! I love the way she handled the disappointment- they both climbed that stage like nothing was wrong, and did their stuff!

I remember when she wanted to go for the Nigerian Idol Auditions- she asked me what I thought about it. And I answered as honestly as I could- I told her that while I wanted her to go places with her talent, the stories I’d heard (and the people we’d seen) that went on such shows morphed from sweet people to proud schmucks- they began to spread the very messages they preached against (drugs, sex, alcohol and violence). She thanked me…and she went ahead with it. Sometimes when we’d talk I’d say “you’re gonna change, clay. I know it” and she’d just smile that glo-glo smile.

Unfortunately she didn’t win, but she made it to the Top 5. But she had endorsements and stuff- she was the first one with a galaxy tab in the law faculty (if not the entire University of the Abuja).
After we left school I kept hearing the buzz, that Clay was gonna drop an album. It was a little sad I didn’t hear of it sooner (I’d have loved to watch her work in the studio) I got to listen to three of the songs off her Believer Album) my favourite being “Iyanu” featuring Rhymsta Ray (another friend-of-a-friend).  I’m obeying her instructions in the opening undertone (“shake Ukwu, umu chineke Shake Ukwu). It’s an awesome song, and mentally I place it in the same category as “No Lele” by Dekunle Fuji and “HKST” by Okey Sokay.

Today’s her birthday. I’m pressed for time, but I really must step aside and fete this awesome kid. Talent, resolve, passion (and a generous sprinkling of fine looks), a powerful combination for a great future. I hope the future shames the past, and I hope that we see each other at the top.

PS: I KNOW you have this everlasting super mega super-duper crush on me.
And Clay? you didn’t change. I’m glad you didn’t

That Unibuja Will Know Peace

i graduated from the University of Abuja in 2012. Funny, because I got my admission in December of 2006. From the very first semester, we became familiar with school being shut at least 3 times a year. in January of 2007, after about two weeks of lectures, (around 16th January) a student was attacked by robbers on the school field. they cut him down with a machete. fortunately for him, he was found by other students and rushed to the school's clinic.

On getting there, it was pitch dar because of power failure (and the generator was out).  students rushed to the school gate to buy candles. after the 5 minute run to-and-fro, they got back and discovered that there was no cotton wool (or anything else) to stop the bleeding. they still rushed to the front of school. it was fortunate that the last drugstore/chemist was only just closing. when students returned the boy was almost dead, eyes glossed over.

the next day, the Student Union Government organised (or appeared to organise) a peaceful protest. students boycotted lectures (unfortunately i had to go get interviewed by my prospective landlord). i was listening to the car radio and i heard that University of Abuja had been shut down indefinitely and students were given till 4pm of that day to vacate the hostels. I rushed back from Wuse to get my stuff from the hostel, expecting that the school was burning down.

there were armoured Personnel Carriers, hot water canons and frightening soldiers circling the school. and by 4pm they did enforce the lockdown. For almost two months we were at home. when we came back, we saw lists pasted- all the SUG members except the Director of Sports had been expelled for either cultism or examination malpractice! that was the draconian empire under which we lived.

But the protest had its fruits. Whereas only the VC's office had power supply 24 hours, the clinic and computer centre were connected to the VC's generator and remain so to this day.

The vice Chancellor never moved without at least 4 gun-toting soldiers. he was allegedly receptive and acessibl (only to cultists who wished to renounce their cultism. He took a compulsory lecture in GST 222 (Peace & Conflict Resolution), always on a sunday evening. I remember one incident when he was talking about dangerous weaponry and my friend  Ope Owotumi was playing with a pen that doubled as a lighter. Immediately security officials swooped on him and consfiscated the offending dangerous weapon.

Professor Nuhu Omeiza gradually started turning from an administrator to a military ruler. All of a sudden, you couldn't enter the university premises without a Universty of Abuja Student ID card. But if you wanted to use the mosque, you would be allowed in. All of a sudden, Fellowship generators were seized because they could cause fire outbreaks. But during Jihad week (surprising, right?), generators were used openly. I began to think this VC was an enemy of Christianity, until he finally banned all form of gathering. In fact, any gathering beyond 3 people was illegal. The circular stated that there were some "subterranean agitations" being planned by some "disgrutled elements".

The situation on ground grew from bad to worse. from my 100 level, We struggled for lecture venues with other departments even though it was "law block". watch a video here. A classroom meant for 60 people would hold 200 people sitting on the arms of chairs, on plastic chairs imported for the lecture (by students of course) and standing. Several times people fainted in class! The power situation was terrible. we could go two weeks in gwagwalada without power supply from the PHCN. The generator would come on at the pleasure of whoever was in charge.

My school fees increased from N11, 500 to N12, 000 and finally to N15, 000 all within my first 3 years on campus. In my 100 level, there were 13 occupants of a room that could hold only 3 metal bunks. The power supply dropped steadily, the water supply manageable, but I know that Gwagwalada was NOT safe. There were killings everywhere, cultist unrests and all of that. I'm not saying that it was the fault of Omeiza- i'm just bringing in a background.

Admissions into Unibuja kept increasing and increasing. I know I bought my Post-Ume Card for N1,200 (with bank charges). but under this man, the fee kept rising; more people were taking the exams and i remember one analysis that put the post-UME business at about 60 million naira per year. Even though Law school gave Unibuja a quota of 100, Omeiza admitted 300, then 400, then 450 students (successively). So our facilities were getting pressured even more and more; we were paying higher fees yet we were not seeing any results. Lecturers became (and still are) demigods, terrorising students, collecting money, sleeping with the girls and doing all sorts of things.

We never saw our results on time (always released at the start of the next semester's exams). Our results were witheld for years on end. between my 200 level and 500 level, we never saw our results. By the time we were given 400 level results (at the end of 500 level firs semester), all our CGPAs had dropped miraculously and scandalously. Of course by this time a new VC had come in but it was by his instrumentality that we even saw those results.

In my 400 level (i think), Professor James Adelabu was made Vice Chancellor. First time a southerner, a Christian became Vice Chancellor. The rumours making the rounds then was that there were moves to remove him. I wasn't surprised given the attitude we northerners seem to have, that anybody not of our stock automatically lacks the pedigree to lead. As soon as this man came in, I noticed a change in the school.

Before, the school generator went off at 10pm. It was now going off by 11 or 12pm.
Beforem water was a problem. Now water was stable. In fact, the one time I remember there was no water in the hostel, the Vice Chancellor in person came to the hostel, apologised to the students that the tanker drivers' union was on strike and orders had been placed for emergency supplies from Suleja. Honestly i thought it was a lie but surely 2 hours later water trucks arrived!

I remember that because the generator was now working full time, students like Sheriff Okoh  and others went to the PHCN to negotiate with them. The deal they struck was that at certain times (when the generator was sure to be on, such as 8am to 4pm, 7pm to 11pm) PHCN would give power to the rest of Gwagwalada. so from 4pm-7pm; 11pm-8am PHCN would now give us power. Power became so stable in school that those of us who moved off-campus started visiting the hostel when we had a long paper or project to work on!

Within a year of getting into office, The faculties of Sciences, Engineering and Agriculture sprang up. He actually moved those faculties to the permanent site in my final year. The students who had barely any form of shopping facilities now have a rustic "market" known as Adelabu Market. There is an internet centre, photocopy shops and actual power supply.

I remember one day the VC saw me walking with a friend, holding my guitar. He called us over, asked what we were studying, how the school was (and ultimately how playing the guitar was compatible with studying law). I remember how he handed out his phone number to students, saying "if you have ANY problem, call ME  directly". I remember how 5 lecturers were subsequently fired for sexually harrassing female students.

When Adelabu came in, he made a rule that results must be released ON OR BEFORE resumption. It took a while for that to work anyway, but I know that my results came in early enough for us to address our minds to the next exams.

Professor Adelabu quickly became unpopular for his leadership style. When he came in, he stopped admissions into the Faculty of Engineering, Medicine and Veterinary Medicine because they did not have the necessary accreditation from the National Universities Commission (NUC). All those who were actually entitled to admission in those faculties were transferred to other similar departments.
He allegedly single-handedly handled admissions, giving out admission to people personally (instead of allowing other lecturers to join) and actually collecting money. I think that allegation is true. I remember my friend who paid almost N600, 000 to one professor in order to secure her admission (even though she passed that exam well!). However, the professor could not deliver as the VC was handling the admissions all alone. The stories were the same all over campus. Professors and Lecturers could suddenly not squeeze money out of desperate students because it was all in the VC's hands.

To make matters worse, the NUC came knocking and decided that the Faculties of Engineering, Medicine and Veterinary Medicine were not fit for universities standard. In fact, the Minister of Education (Alhaja Ruqayat) asked if the Dean of Vet medicine would allow a pet he loved to be treated by doctor,  trained in that sort of lab (Unibuja). The Deam Shamefacedly replied "no".

Those bearing the burden of the constant closure of Unibuja are the students. It's bad enough they do a 5-year course in 6 years; but their colleagues who got admission with them have already graduated. I have friends in that department! Some of them even got their admission by remedial studies, meaning they will spend roughly 7 years. These students pay house rents every year (roughly N120, 000 each year) and because of strikes and closures they lose about 3 months every year. If you add holidays to that, they pay for 1 year and lose 6 months!!!

It is wrong that the dreams of so many talented future kings and queens are being squeezed, choked and asphyxiated by the unfeeling leaders of our society.

The ladies are complaining seriously. Someone tweeted this morning:
"Oh God☹"@lilchopsy: Lool,nothin yet o ": Uniabuja report pls..anybody? Shud we get married or wait 4 anoda 30yrs....... "

Now the Engineering Students have taken to frustrating any academic activity at the University of Abuja until their faculty is re-accredited. I totally understand and identify with their plight. I salute their courage and I encourage them to make their voices heard.

However, I would like to inform them that the current VC inherited the problems that started over 24 years ago. The permanent site has remained largely undeveloped for much of the time I've known university of Abuja. This current VC has done a lot. He made shuttle services avalilable for free during exams. He even went as far as providing rice for the students when they complained that they were broke. All the things i've mentioned above show that this VC has the student's interests at heart.

He cannot suddenly solve all the problems that the school faces. He has a monstrous beast called corruption to fight. He has ethnic and religious bias to fight. He has fraudulent contractors to fight. Yet he pleads with everyone to bear with him. I assure you that under Nuhu Yaqub this would NEVER have happened. Here is someone that has given students opportunities to air their dissatisfaction. I assure you further that all the protesters that went on rampage last year (they even burnt a motorcylcle) would be in Jail by now.

I must also inform all who care to listen that Adelabu is not the accrediting body. He is merely an official, howbeit the governing authority of the school. It is for the students, lecturers and management to synergise and channel their voices to the right authority. To the NUC, to the president, to the Minsiter of Education, to Professional Bodies.

The situation on Ground needs the participation of all stakeholders. The Accreditation is being deenied because of INFRASTRUCTURE. Can the University not take a loan? Can there not be some sort of Private-Sector participation? Can the Ministry of Works/ETF not build something more? Can the FCT Administration not do something?! Can the National Assembly not donate some 500 million naira?

I plead with the protesting students that they keep their heads; that they stay within the bound of the law; that their voices be united with purpose, to keep the University afloat. God bless Nigeria! God Bless University of Abuja!

 

uchenna Enyioha Akamba-Thomas

When girls get married (except you’re gonna be an adulterer) very likely that’s the end of all the good times. All the calls at 9pm will end, all the random surprises will end, all the surprise meals delivered to your house will disappear. In fact, a wave of married-ness suddenly descends on these people who have been united to their true-loves. All the emotions running as undercurrents will have to be ignored, blah blah blah. In essence, everything you’ve put in becomes an investment in someone else’s wife!

But a buddy stays forever. Whether he’s single, whether he’s married, whether he’s a friend at home or a friend abroad, a buddy will always be a buddy. Nothing changes (well, except now you can’t barge into his bedroom without knocking, LOL). When a buddy leaves the country and returns after 20 years, he calls you up. When a buddy sees you walking down the wrong path, a buddy calls you to order. And many other things (you make up your own list).

Well it was in the midst of shedding the feminine population in my life (and building manly company) that I got to know this interesting young man. Uchenna Abiodun Enyioha.

He was a year behind in me in the Faculty of Law, University of Abuja, I believe we met in March 2008 when freshers were admitted. This dude came from Kaduna, knew Kelechi “Cassie”Okafor, wrote only in cursive, had this smooth Hausa-inflected British accent, and Most of all, he was an awesome bass guitarist.
Because I just started learning to play the guitar In March 2007, anyone who could manipulate strings better than me became an instant hero. And this boy knew ALL the black gospel musicians I did NOT know, could play the keyboard (was our specialist keyboardist when we needed to play hymns in church).

And we didn’t start off well. He had this caustic way of telling me to NOT play the bass when he was on the keyboards. In fact, he’d prefer to split the keyboard, play the bass notes with the left hand, the piano with the right. It totally pissed me off, made me feel bad about myself. Plus when he was playing with Monday Egamana, Sam Emeka John and Kenneth Ogueji it was as though heaven would land on earth- those guys were so good!
Uche helped out several times- even though my bass playing was annoying, he couldn't beat me on the acoustic. he went out with my band- played Jadon Lavik's "How majesic" for us at the first FCS concert; he played the keyboards for our song "Jericho Down" when we played live at the FCS drama night. Those times we went to sing at The Voice of Hope (meeting at the Lions' Guest House), Uche would be there if I called on him.

Well, I was in the same choir as he was, and with time I began to listen more and more to what those guys were playing. I told myself it was only because I couldn’t match their standard that they could tell me off THAT way. So when I went on holiday in my 300 level, I decided I would apply my knowledge of the acoustic/electric guitar to the electric bass. Fine there were some differences in the tunings (standard guitar = EADGBE (go to blazes all you who play Drop D), 4 string bass = EADG, 5-String = BEADG, 6-String = BEADGB/EADGBE depending on your tuning preferences).

By the time I was in 400 level, my family moved to Abuja and we got a house on the Outskirts. And close to my house (less than 30 seconds’ walk) was ths little Redeemed Church with the BEST instrumentalists I had ever heard in my life. Cool equipment too (the small 100-seater hll had 4 power amps, an 8-piece professional drum kit, a Korg M50, Samick Bass guitar, 32-Channel Behringer mixer, Equalizer, compressor). So I joined them. They’d let me play during midweek services (when any blunders wouldn’t be too noticeable). With time I improved enough to be able to play with the FCS choir. When we went on the road to the hospital chapel, I remember playing Bishop Paul Morton’s “I am What you see” on the bass (with Uche on the keyboard and Monday on the Drums)

That song might sound easy and simplistic now, but it was a huge leap from playing Israel Houghton’s “Alpha and Omega”. And my upward Journey continued- I got to play two songs for the FCS concert in my Final Year, and Uche basically left me to do that. Even my version of the FCS Anthem “Home of Care” sounded something like a cross between Sam and Uche’s versions. It was the highlight of my “career”. I didn’t notice how much I’d grown until some other fellowships asked me to help them out sometimes (or when some churches invited me to play For them)

Then there was this time Uche asked me to come play at his church. Heaven!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think that was when I started talking to Uche. We talked about music, talked about a little of sport (I remember he won a gold medal at the Airforce Games and played soccer for his class Team). We talked about girls (there was this certain someone who he was hopelessly hooked on). And about heaven, about God, about our relationships with human beings.

Slowly the bond has formed over the years- now I talk to him like every other week- the same person I disliked because I thought he hated me. I remember how he called me up at work one day and I extended my lunch hour to 3 so I could help him out with something. The work that consumed so much of my time and attention that I began to ignore a certain someone (*winks*). Well, that day ended with Uche helping out at my church when my keyboardist/Choir director and leaving my church around 7:30pm. We prayed together before he left. While I was skyping Monica (*another wink) he called to tell me that he narrowly escaped being in a car crash that killed 3 people (because he was with me)

The response to the accident was overwhelming. Food, drinks, drugs, toiletries, and visits kept pouring in day and night. I remember I met uche at the hospital every day I went there, not shrinking from the pain, not being “macho” and keeping away from the female ward. He stayed faithfully by my cousin’s bedside, coaxing her to eat her meals, making her laugh continuously. In fact, one evening she refused to eat unless Uche was there!
I remember I crashed at Uche’s place when I was doing my medical exam for law school, when I came for divine encounter (talked with blessing till really late and had to drive at night).
I remember all those days we said “You see, I want to really appreciate you for….”
Or with a David Oyedepo Voice, “you foul devil!!!!”

Now that I’ve told you a lot of wonderful details you don’t really know how it concerns you, let’s just skip to the real thing.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY UCHE.